Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
