Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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