Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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