He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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