Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
