big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
someone owes me an orgasm
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
