Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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