my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
