"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
