My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
