well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
