I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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