.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
