hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my nose is crying tears of wow.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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