wake up i wanna do it froggy style
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
