she smelled like a LAN party
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
