Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
