We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
