you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
