I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
