I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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