First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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