I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
