My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
