awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
