Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize