last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
