Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
