Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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