Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize