You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
