I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
