I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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