Four minutes until I can fart!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
