its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
