We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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