I CAN MOONWALK!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
