No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
there is glitter all over my balls
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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