"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's Friday. Sex?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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