I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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