; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
