you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize