I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
