I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
