I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
