walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
