Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
