he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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