i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize