Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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