i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
