I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
