Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
