My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So. Much. Porn.
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