I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so much tequila, so little girl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
