I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
