I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
