you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
