i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
