you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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