I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize