At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think my moral compass just broke
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