he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
