now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
