ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
