R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
