I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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